


Let Me Forget

by messedup



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Aftermath of the Kidnapping, Angst, Callum snapping at Ben, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and immediately regretting it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup
Summary: After the kidnapping, Callum gets frustrated with how long his injuries take to heal. With Ben fussing and continuously reminding him further of it all, it´s only a matter of time until he snaps.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 14
Kudos: 66





	Let Me Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a (slightly changed) prompt by @Lolalexibenjayyy1, thank you for the request! <3
> 
> Writing this kinda hurt my fluff loving heart a bit so I hope it´s not too bad and worth the pain 😅 Also when I tried to edit this I somehow seem to have forgotten everything I once knew about the English language 😂🙈 so I'm sorry if this fic has more mistakes than usual. 
> 
> Please be aware of the tags!

It was two weeks since Callum had been released from hospital. 

Way too quickly if you asked Ben. 

From the moment he had seen him regain consciousness and had thrown his arms around his still groggy boyfriend, pressing his lips against scrapes and bruises, Ben had barely let him out of his sight. It was almost like he feared that if he blinked for a moment too long, Callum would disappear in front of his eyes. He had been rooted at his bedside, his hand clinging onto his until he was forced to let go for food or bathroom breaks. 

The first time they had gotten back to the flat together Ben had made a fuss over getting a bath ready, making sure the tea had the right temperature and finding the softest pillows to make the bed as comfortable as possible. While Callum´s muscles had slowly relaxed in the warmth of the water Ben had leaned on the edge, his cheek pressed against the cold material and his fingers carding through his boyfriend´s hair. It had grown out, Ben had realized. Or at least, that was what it had seemed like to him, too long since he had last been able to do this. 

When Callum´s eyes had drooped close more and more, Ben had nudged him gently, helping him out of the tub and wrapping a towel around him before finally tucking him into bed. He had quickly shrugged off his own clothes and slipped under the covers next to him, his arms wrapping around his waist, pressing himself close against his back. Callum had already been fast asleep. Watching the steady movements of his body with every intake of breath he had thanked his lucky stars that he hadn´t lost this. 

He didn´t know how he could have coped otherwise. 

Willing the thoughts away immediately as even that was too painful to bear, Ben had buried his face between his shoulder blades. There was the smell of his own shampoo but also a scent he knew so well, a smell just Callum. 

God, how much he had missed it.

The next few days were spent in a similar way. Ben was either rushing around to get Callum something -whether he had asked for anything or not didn´t seem to matter in the slightest- or pressed close to his side. 

It wasn´t like they hadn´t always been close before. Callum had made enough jokes about how clingy Ben could be – always reassuring him immediately that he secretly loved it, scared that he would stop. But something about the way Ben clung to him now showed an obvious change. And Callum loved to have him close again. He had missed him just the same and he couldn´t have been more glad to find his boyfriend next to him when he woke up in cold sweat from another nightmare or curled around him every morning when he opened his eyes.

However, Ben´s constant fussing was getting a little irritating as days turned into weeks. The bruises were slowly fading but the numb pain still reminded him to be careful with his movements, which of course wasn´t lost on Ben. Whenever he saw him flinch he was by his side in a split second, asking a thousand questions of what he needed, if there was anything he could bring him, to sit back down.

It was one of those times when the irritation he had felt for days finally surfaced.

“Its fine, Ben! I´m okay! Can you just give me five minutes in peace?”, he snapped as he felt Ben´s hand on his arm for support.

He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. The expression of hurt on Ben´s face felt like a stab to the chest. He could see him swallow heavily, then nod once. His head was turned towards the floor but Callum could have sworn he saw his eyes glisten in the second it took him to avert his gaze.

“Yeah, sure.” His sounded weirdly breathy, not like him at all. But before Callum could find the right words he had disappeared into the bedroom.

\---

The first thing Callum saw as he gently nudged their bedroom door open a few minutes later was Ben´s hunched over figure on the bed. His back was turned towards him but from the way his shoulders sagged and his hand brushed roughly over the side of his face Callum could tell he was upset. He knew all the little tell-tale signs that indicated his boyfriend´s state of mind. The scratch of his head when he was feeling nervous. The way his eyes widened slightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when he was overcome by love. How head tilted defensively when his walls came up.

Callum wasn´t surprised to see tears in Ben´s eyes as he slowly walked around their bed to sit next to him. What was more surprising was that Ben made no attempt to wipe them away.

"I get it, you know? I don´t blame you if you don´t want this anymore. Us.” His voice sounded strained, breaking on the last word. “It's my fault.”

“What?”, Callum asked in perplexion. 

“What happened. It's my fault.” 

Another tear left a wet trace across Ben´s cheek and Callum caught it just before it was about to fall from his jaw. His fingers gently tangled in between soft hair at their familiar spot just behind Ben´s ear. With his thumb he brushed over the slight stubble, trailing up his cheek to wipe away the rest of the streaks. 

"No, it's not. You didn´t do this. You didn´t knock me out, you didn´t tie me up, you didn´t hold me captive.”

Ben winced.

“Keanu did.” Callum lowered his eyes in an attempt to catch Ben´s gaze when he looked away. “And you spend day and night trying to find me. You did find me. Saved me."

"It is though. Without me you wouldn´t have been in that kind of situation in the first place. If it wasn´t for me you would have been safe." The words were brought out around more snivels.

"Maybe. Maybe I wouldn´t have cuts and bruises. But If it wasn´t for you I´d still be hurting. Wishing my life away, wishing I could be someone else. So don´t say that my life would be better without you, because I have never heard anything more wrong.“

Ben was silent for a moment, his eyes diverted to the floor. His bottom lip was pulled between his teeth, reddening as Ben nibbed at it, another tell-tale sign that Callum knew all too well by now. He was considering whether he could believe him.

Callum hooked a finger under his chin urging the other man to look up at him. 

“I mean it. I don´t blame you.” He brought his hand up to cup his face, prevent him from turning away again. “The thought of being with you again got me through everything.”

Still sensing some hesitation from Ben he brought their foreheads together.

“I´m sorry that I snapped at you. It wasn´t because of anything you did. I´m just-”, he sighed, searching for the right words. “I´m just getting frustrated that I still have to take things slow.”

Now it was his turn to look down.

“I´m tired of still feeling the bruises he left. Of being reminded of all of it every damn second.”

Looking back at Ben, Callum could see new tears forming in his eyes. He knew they had a different cause now though. 

“I wish I could make all of it unhappen.”, Ben croaked out. “I wish I could make it better.”

A stray tear fell down his cheek as he looked down at his fidgeting hands.

“You are making it better.”, Callum whispered. 

Ben didn´t look all that convinced though, his earlier words probably still on his mind, so Callum emphasized again, “You are.” 

He took in a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain himself. 

“I just want to forget. If only for a little while.” His head dropped in defeat.

Ben swallowed around the lump in his throat, nodded.

“Okay.”, he paused before he spoke again. “Okay. Tell me what I should do then. Do you want me to give you some space?”

“No, no. I´m glad you´re here.” A small smile made it´s way back onto his face. It vanished too quickly again though, replaced by a frown. “I don´t know really. I wish I could go for a run, just go wherever. Get out of this flat, not jump every time the doorbell rings.”

He couldn´t though. Not yet anyway. The doctors had ordered him to take things slow, get lots of rest. Definitely not running until the so familiar streets and buildings turned into new surroundings, giving his mind the distraction of seeing landscapes he had never seen before. 

It was something Ben had no influence on, however. It wasn´t like he could snap his fingers and heal his bruises.

Squeezing his thigh, Ben breathed out as he considered his words.

“I know it´s not the same but... we could drive around for a while. Get out somewhere, maybe just walk a few steps. If you want to.”

“Yeah.” Callum let out a relieved sigh. “That sounds nice.”

Ben looked at him with a smile that grew when he saw it being returned. A wave of relief washed over him.

“Alright, give me five minutes and we can go, yeah?” He stood up, pressing a kiss to his forehead before turning around.

He didn´t get far though, a hand closing around his wrist stopping him in his tracks. Facing Callum once more, he saw his eyes glistening and honesty in his expression when he spoke.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> I would love to hear what you thought in the comments or for you to come talk to me on tumblr @stillamess22 :)


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